Self-confidence is defined as a feeling of trust in one's abilities, qualities and judgement.
I often find myself in this constant and frustrating battle with my mind when it comes to portraying a sense of confidence in social situations and maintaining a certain level of self-belief in myself as a person. It's a difficult feeling to describe, almost like you desperately want to throw yourself into social situations, try new things and conquer new challenges in life but you're being held back in your comfort zone by these doubts about self worth and ability.
I always try to have this positive mentality when it comes to life, to use other people's success and amazing talents as a form of motivation to inspire and better myself as a person, but despite this I find that sometimes I see others achieve things that I see as far beyond anything that I could ever muster up and I begin to lose confidence in my own ability. I have always been a perfectionist at everything that I attempt in life, and all of my fellow perfectionists out there will know that it can sometimes make everything seem so hopelessly tedious and frustrating, especially when you can't help but compare yourself to other people. Seeing someone do, create, have or achieve something far superior to what I believe that I can really intimidates me, whether it happens to be blogging or life related.
Another struggle that I have in life, and have been too ashamed to admit for far too long, is that this real anxiety when it comes to social situations, especially when feeling overly tired and stressed (which happens to be a lot when you're a student), and I feel like this constantly holds me back when it comes to both blogging and life in general. I sometimes feel like I put on this appearance of fake confidence when it comes to approaching strangers, getting along with people and social situations but I lack this self confidence when it comes to my personality, image, and overthinking the way that I portray myself which leads to me constantly declining exciting and probably enjoyable opportunities, even ones related to blogging, on a daily basis because of this tiny fear at the back of my mind of being judged or embarrassing myself, which can also become super frustrating. I always joke that I could literally write a long book on 'how to be awkward in social situations' using all of the experience that I have but sadly it is true, and I always get it into my head that this will decrease my likeability as a person and a blogger. I tend to shy away from most social situations where possible and live life well within my comfort zone which can become a real lonely way to exist if you let it overcome you. I do suffer from the same fear of missing out as other people but just lack the conviction and confidence to do anything about it because of this little anxiety at the back of my mind, holding me back from getting the most out of life... and I want that to change.
*takes a deep breath*
...and now to the positive section of the blog post.
I want to make a commitment to myself.. well several commitments actually. It may seem like such easy promises to make to yourself for some people but I see it as little achievable goals to accomplish one baby step at a time, in order to take control of my life and making myself a much happier person in the process.
1. I am determined to stop worrying so much about what other people think and trying to seek this external validation from others to determine my self worth as a person. In fact, to stop worrying so much in general. I waste so much of my life thinking about the repercussions of my actions and the things that could go wrong in situations in the future which haven't even happened yet, rather than just taking a step back and actually enjoying living in the moment. I have slowly begun to realise that the most important thing in life is the ability to achieve happiness. As long as you are genuinely happy and content with everything in your life, no matter how big or how small, then who really cares about anybody else's opinion.
2. I will overcome my anxiety towards social situations and actively try to become more social and outgoing, even if it means gradually easing myself into it because practice makes perfect right? At the end of the day, nobody is perfect and most of the time everyone has enough insecurities about themselves to worry too much about any of yours. It's sounds so cliché but I am a strong believer of just being yourself and like-minded people will gravitate towards you.
3. It is my goal to try and find the positives, even in the most negative of situations. Every failure or mistake is an invaluable lesson learnt and everything in life happens for a reason. Just because the past didn't turn out how you wanted, doesn't mean that your future cant be better than you ever imagined.
4. I will challenge myself to become more outgoing, say yes to a lot more opportunities and start experiencing more of the wonders of life while I'm still young and free from those pesky little commitments that come along as you begin to grow older. Life doesn't have to be taken so seriously all of the time, they say that those unexpected and spontaneous experiences are always the best and most of the time, when you take a chance and leave your comfort zone, you will end up thanking yourself for it later.
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