How To Become More Confident

A lack of confidence is something that pretty much everyone has struggled with at some point in their life, young or old. I have experienced what it feels like to have absolutely zero confidence as I used to be the most socially awkward person possible, mostly due to me having no self confidence in myself and retreating into my own little shell. I would tend to avoid confrontation with people unless it was absolutely necessary and prefer my own company over that of others. This lead me to ultimately be lonely and feel rather depressed, not to mention all the opportunities I missed out on as I would just turn down amazing life experiences all the time, not because I didn't want to try new things or go out. I wanted to more than anything. I just felt trapped, like I couldn't. There was one particular day where I was struck by a sort of enlightenment moment and it really hit me hard to think that life is too short to keep missing out on these opportunities to enjoy myself and that I wasn't making the most of life as it was flying by. I was determined to become more socially active and to improve my confidence and nothing was going to stop me. The little secret is that absolutely anybody has the ability to be forward and confident, you just have to find it within yourself, and I spent a lot of time researching the best methods to be confident and feel generally more happy and I really want to share this to help as many people as possible to find themselves, and realise that you can love life without self-confidence holding you back.


One of the main causes of people lacking confidence is not being happy with your appearance or the way you look, leading to an overwhelming feeling of self-consciousness. There are some simple tips that can make you feel a little better about yourself and therefore improve how confident you feel.

Dress for confidence
You may think that this is so simple, but you would be surprised how much of a difference wearing your favourite, comfortable clothes can have on your mood and having confidence to speak to people. Ideally, you should choose clothes that make you feel confident and portray your personality, instead of wearing the clothes that other people wear just to fit in.

Positive posture
It has been proven that your posture is always one of the first things that someone will notice about you. Sometimes faking confidence can lead to you getting used to the feeling and naturally becoming naturally more confident as a result. Keeping your head up and shoulders back, while walking along with a sense of purpose will help you to look like a confident person on the outside and feel like one on the inside, trust me.

Eye contact
Possibly the most important indication of how confident somebody is, you can instantly tell someone is comfortable talking to you if they maintain constant eye contact during conversation. This is something that I really struggled with, being shy and reserved I would often look at the floor or off in the distance when talking to people, even my family. Start easy by trying to make eye contact with people and just smiling, then moving onto trying to encourage yourself to look people in the eye during conversation as much as possible and eventually it will come naturally. Chances are the other person is just as shy as you are about eye contact!


From experience, I know that a lack of confidence can leave you feeling down, isolated from everyone else and alone. It is important to know that no matter how bad things seem, they will always get better, you are not the only one and you are most definitely never alone.

Think about the obstacles that are in your way, stopping you from feeling confident and write them down. The majority of the time these obstacles will be false little assumptions that you have made about yourself. Don't let those assumptions determine your self-worth and keep you from enjoying life. I know it is so much easier said than done, but maintaining an open mind and finding positives within life will help you to feel an enormous amount better about yourself.

Just remember that you are not the only one that struggles with self-confidence, pretty much everyone does or has done, some people just hide it better than others. Most people will be too preoccupied with their own image to worry about judging you on yours. Stop comparing yourself to other people and be yourself. People are going to like you more for being your original (complete weirdo) self than trying to be like someone else. Nobody is perfect, we all just have to learn to love our flaws and appreciate that they make you who you are.

BEING MORE CONFIDENT                                     

Talk to strangers
This is something that has improved my confidence an amazing amount. It’s great because IT DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU MESS UP. Chances are you're not going to see that person again so there's no pressure, it’s like practice for when you start a conversation with someone you actually want to talk to. Start off easy again with something like eye contact with a smile, building up to a polite 'hello' or 'good morning' and finally into a full conversation.

Sometimes putting yourself out there will get a little overwhelming, making a situation impossibly awkward and uncomfortable. Remember to BREATH. Stepping back and taking a few deep breaths will help to calm the mind and remind you that you are in control of your body and the situation.

Leave your comfort zone
One of the most effective methods of improving your confidence is throwing yourself right into the deep end and taking risks by leaving your comfort zone. Having a job where I have to speak to customers every day has allowed me to break out of my shell and forced me to get used to speaking to people. Experiences like talking in front of a large audience may seem daunting, and chances are you will mess up somewhere (even the most experienced of public speakers do), but you will feel so good about yourself afterwards. I've always been taught that its not your ability to succeed that matters, it’s your ability to fail and pick yourself back up again.
The honest truth is that there is not really a secret formula to guaranteed instant confidence, it's not just something that happens overnight and it takes a lot of effort, patience and practice, but trust me, it's completely possible and you will get there eventually. Whatever happens keep at it, don’t give up and believe in yourself.

I am always here for anybody that needs advice, reassurance about a situation, a confidence boost or even just someone to talk to, don’t be afraid to send me an email at


1 comment

Megan @ said...

Great post James. I'm still not the most confident of people, but little things have helped improve my confidence. Going to uni has probably been the best one, as I was amazed at how quickly I made friends and that really helped make me want to talk to new people. I'm also taking opportunities I know I never would have taken a couple of years ago, and that makes me feel a whole lot better about myself too! Once you take one small step, you're halfway there.

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